"A team member that just told me they were fine a week ago resigned today. What’s up with that?"
May 18, 2023
A team member that just told me they were fine a week ago resigned today. What’s up with that?
Did you know that almost no one that reports to you will give you bad news when you causally ask how they are doing?
It’s true.
Even in a one-on-one behind a closed door, you represent a person that has direct influence on their job stability. What they want from you is a “good job” and that means keeping you happy.
I’ve even had team members turn in a two-week notice right after we’d met and they told me everything was fine.
Wait, what?
If you want to know how someone is really doing, you have to ask and then:
- Be quiet. Let them talk for a while. Don’t move on right away.
- Ask specific things like how their sick parent is doing.
- Ask them specifically how things are going with co-workers, other leaders, or new projects.
Most of the time, you are still going to get the good ole “things are great” answer. Respond by letting them know that it is okay for them to share things that aren’t going well too, that you’ll work on it with them without overreacting.
Then wait.
On some afternoon when you are running short on time and your new project is behind, that team member is going to decide to shoot you straight on what ISN’T going well with them. It may include some feedback you weren’t in the mood to hear. It may be that their relationship with their teenager is strained. Or they may confess that they’ve been dishonest or feel overwhelmed or that you haven’t been leading them very well. NOW is the time when you get to choose if they ever level with you again or not.
Be ready.
Don’t overreact.
Don’t be defensive.
BREATHE.
Push your next meeting back. Sit down with them. Ask questions, lots of questions. Then ask “What else?”
Now is not the time to solve the problems. Now is the time to listen and prove to them that they can trust you with how they really feel.
Sleep on it.
Solve the problems tomorrow.
And then get ready for a whole new relationship with that person because now they know they can be totally honest with you about how they’re doing and that you are a leader who is ready to listen.
